Channeling Jane

When the Poetry Pact 2011 Anthology came out last week, I told my husband that I was receiving only twenty cents per copy and was beginning to regret setting the price so low on the paperback. "How am I going to give the proceeds to charity if it doesn't make enough money for Amazon to cut me a check?" I asked.

“You can’t expect anyone to pay more than $4.50 for that poetry book,” he said

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I snapped.

He went rather stiff as he picked up the anthology and examined the cover.  “Who are these people?”

“Good poets,” I said.

“But who are they? Who are you that anyone will want to read it?”

I was taken aback by his words.

Who am I? No one really.  Just some random housewife who’s devoted so much time, energy and attention to getting this volume out that she's a week behind on laundry and has ordered pizza a few too many times for dinner.  

“The quality of the writing is good,” I said. 

 He put the book down and took a step back. “Calm down, will you? I don’t want to argue.”  

Oh man, I hated it when he did this. The nerve of me, having any kind of reaction to what he'd just said. “If you don't want to argue, don’t say stuff like that,” I told him, twisting a ragged washcloth in my hand.

“I was talking about supply and demand,” he said, sighing. “You’re a group of unknowns, so you have to make the price low. That doesn’t mean that the writing isn’t good. It just means it will be harder to sell your stuff. It’s smart to lower the price.”

Oh.

I realized he was right.

If I could change my name to Billy Collins, the Poetry Pact 2011 anthology would sell like Godiva chocolate-covered strawberries. If I had a blog following as substantial as C.Jane Kendrick’s, I’d have thousands of people who’d want to read this collection. But as things stand now I feel more like a young Jane Eyre, engrossed in a book while my beautiful cousin Georgiana garners attention with her sweet smile and golden curls. 

Ah, well, I’ve decided to redefine success. I'm aware that I don't hold a monopoly on talent or specialness. I'm also aware that there will always be someone smarter, wittier, and wiser than I am. But that doesn't mean a nobody like me can't use the resources and abilities God gave them to write a story or poem unique to their own reality. I can still think, dream, and create. 

Being a nobody doesn't take away my spark. On the contrary, it gives me reason to work harder.